.‘Big breaths, ‘ ... I instructed.‘Yes, they used to be, ‘ ... Replied the patient.Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.Not more than five minutes later, I heard herReporting to the rest of the family that he hadDied of a ‘massive internal fart.’Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’After a look of complete confusion she answered...‘ Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.’Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR5. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams ... To cover my embarrassmentI had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughingAnd further embarrassing me.I looked up from my work. "Now let's see. You wanted a Star Wars pod racer game, didn'tyou? No, that's not right," she said to herself. "It was yourbrother who wanted the pod racer game. You wanted the QuiGon light saber." She rummaged around and dug out a couple ofneatly wrapped boxes, which she slid into the stockings. A fewmore gifts, and she closed the sack and hoisted it on her back."Well, Merry Christmas," she sang out sweetly.The little boy frowned. "Wait, Santa," he complained. "You haveto eat your milk and cookies."Santa's eyes widened, then she glanced at where the boy waspointing. Sure enough, on the hearth were a plate of cookies anda glass of milk. Santa smiled sadly. "I'll pass on the cookies thisyear," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. She slipped her handto her shapely waist. "I've got to watch my figure, you know!"She walked delicately across the room, then bent and gave thelittle lad a kiss on his forehead. "Merry Christmas," she said. Shesmiled and walked back to the.
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